Double Date with Destiny
by IrvingZissman
Summary: COMPLETED It was supposed to be a simple double date with Beast Boy and Raven dining out with Starfire and Robin. What could go wrong? And why did Cyborg seem eager to stay home?
1. The Date Begins

So I figured I'd go back to my roots, so to speak, and do a simple little comedic fluff piece. That and I realized that poor Robin and Starfire ain't getting enough love from me. So heeerreeee we go!

* * *

Raven sighed deeply as she glanced at the clock, it's digital readout displaying a time of 7:47 PM. Their reservations were at 9 o'clock and it would be at least an hour drive to get to the restaurant. 

"I thought the stereotype was that girls were supposed to take forever getting ready?" she murmured, half to herself and half to Starfire who sat next to the annoyed empath.

"One thing I have learned with my time with Robin is that he takes great care in his personal grooming." Starfire said. "Understatement of the year..." Raven uttered under her breath.

It was Friday night and after weeks of begging and pleading Starfire had finally convinced Raven for "the dating of doubles" as the Tammaranian princess put it. Raven finally caved in to a much delighted Starfire who was eager to spend time with the new couple. It took even longer to decide on where they were to eat, as one could not ask for more different tastes of food from four different people.

After a bit of prodding, an exasperated Raven suggested the new Italian restaurant that had opened in Rothsburg, called _Alimento Difettso_. It seemed like a good establishment and Robin had mentioned it had received several positive reviews in the Jump City Gazette. It was a bit of a drive away and Raven was not looking forward to the long car ride there, but she made a promise to Starfire and intended to keep it.

Forgoing her trademark cloak and leotard, Raven had clad herself in a snug fitting black short sleeve tee-shirt with a large white skull and cross bones on it, it had been a gift from Beast Boy celebrating their "two and a half week anniversary," and black bondage pants with blue straps.

Starfire on the other hand had moved into what Raven described as "uber-girly" territory in regards to her manner of dress. The crimson haired beauty was wearing a form fitting pink tee-shirt that seemed to cling to her like a second skin, the short cut of which teased a full glimpse of her naval. This was accompanied by low rider blue jeans and sandals. Needless to say, it was Robin's favorite outfit of hers.

The two girls sat there on the couch, Raven with her arms crossed over chest clearly annoyed. Starfire meanwhile was keenly focused on the umpteenth rerun of "The Wonderful World of Toenail Fungus" captivated by the images on the main TV screen in Ops. This continued on for several minutes till finally Robin and Beast Boy made their way to join the girls.

"About time..." said Raven.

Beast Boy apparently had a different concept of what he was supposed to wear for the evening, as the green prankster had on a "**REVENGE OF THE AXE MANIAC 17**" black long sleeve shirt, a faded pair of blue jeans and a leather jacket he couldn't have paid more than $5 for at a thrift store. On the other hand, Robin had opted for more of a well dressed look, sporting a lime green polo shirt, khakis and a pair of Sketchers...and still wearing his mask.

"Dude, don't blame me! I was ready half an hour ago, but bird boy over here kept primping in front of the mirror with his hair!"

Robin scowled at his personal grooming habits coming into question. "There's nothing wrong with taking a little time to make yourself look half way decent!" he countered.

Raven merely rolled her eyes. "When you boys are done having fashion talk, we're going to be late for our reservation." she said impatiently. Beast Boy laughed nervously, resorting to his nervous habit of scratching the back of his neck.

"You...uhh...you look really pretty tonight..." he said, trying to smooth her over.

It didn't work.

"C'mon Gar, let's go." and with that grabbed him by the wrist to take him to the garage. Cyborg, who was staying back at the Tower, had lent the use of his T-Car under the circumstances that Beast Boy is at no time allowed to touch the steering wheel and Robin was to drive.

Robin hopped into the driver's seat, adjusting the mirror and seat to his liking, suddenly feeling very short in Cyborg's default settings. Starfire sat in the passenger seat, with Raven and Beast Boy in the back. Beast Boy had printed off directions to this place off of the internet and was serving as the evening's co-pilot.

"Everyone ready?" Robin asked, the garage door to Titans Tower opening as he spoke.

"Yes!" Starfire exclaimed. "I am ready for trip of roads to begin!" she said smiling.

"You're sure you have the right map, Gar?" Raven asked, slightly skeptical. He just smiled back and gave her a quick reassuring peck on the cheek. "Of course I have the right map!" he said. "It's simple, Robin...just take the bridge to the mainland and turn left on Douglas Avenue and get on Route 82 going west and follow that for a bit then PRESTO, we're right there at that Allymint Diefattso place!"

Robin nodded as he sped out the garage over the retractable bridge, turning left on Douglas and heading straight for Route 82 as Beast Boy had said.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the Tower, Cyborg watched from the large glass window in Ops as the T-Car sped further and further away in the distance, slowly becoming nothing more than a dot in the night horizon. The cybernetic Titan grinned big as he grabbed his cell phone and pressing speed dial, eagerly awaited a familiar female voice to pick up. 

"Hello?"

"Jinx?"

"Cyborg? Is that you?"

"Jinx baby! How's it going?"

* * *

Robin had nearly been driving for an hour now going down Route 82 and still no sign of Alimento Difettso...or anything else for that matter. Just lots and lots of corn, cows and pasture. Robin had the stereo turned down almost all the way as both Raven and Starfire had fallen asleep. Starfire's head was propped against the passenger side window as she slept quietly, dreaming sweet dreams of a life with Robin. 

Raven had just recently fallen asleep, her head resting comfortably on Beast Boy's shoulder with his arm around her. Beast Boy gave her a soft kiss on the crown head, he couldn't help himself as he found her too kissable and watched as a faint smile spread on the sleeping girl's face. He could smell her shampoo (which smelled faintly of rain) and the gentle wafts of her incense off of her clothes.

His day dreaming about his girlfriend was interrupted by a slightly annoyed Robin. "Beast Boy...are you SURE I'm supposed to go west on 82?"

"Dude, yeah! I am sure! Here look at the map if you don't believe me." the changeling protested as he handed Robin the printout map.

Robin turned on the light inside the car causing both sleeping girls to wake up.

"Have...we arrived yet?" Starfire asked, rubbing her emerald eyes. Robin didn't reply, just continued to study the map till his left eyebrow twitched suddenly.

"What is wrong, love?" Starfire asked.

"Beast Boy...remind me to kill you." the Boy Wonder said quietly.

Beast Boy just scratched his head in confusion. "Dude, what'd I do?"

"What'd you do? You were reading the map wrong! We weren't supposed to go WEST, we were supposed to go EAST!"

Raven sighed, her head still rested on Beast Boy's shoulder. She really did love him, but sometimes he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

"Uhh...sorry."

"Sorry! You're sorry!" Robin continued, craning his neck around to show Beast Boy just how irritated he was. "Would it kill you for just once to..."

"**ROBIN LOOK OUT!**" Starfire shouted. Robin jerked his head to to look forward only to see a large cow in the middle of the road casually dining on some grass that had sprung up in the middle of the cracking blacktop. Robin quickly veered the steering wheel a hard right and before anyone could figure out what was going on, the T-Car crashed right into a telephone pole.

* * *

Jinx giggled and blushed slightly as Cyborg poured her another class of champagne. The lights were dimmed in Ops, candles lit with some Barry White playing softly in the background. 

"So things aren't working out between you and Kid Flash, huh?"

"No..." she sighed. "I mean, he's really sweet, but...he just doesn't do it for me, ya know?"

"Like what?" the metal Romeo asked innocently.

"Well..let's just say there's a reason why he's called 'The Fastest Boy Alive'" she replied.

Cyborg laughed and flashed her a million dollar smile. "Now ain't that a shame! Sometimes you wanna take things slow, real slow. Know what I mean?"

"I think I have an idea..." Jinx cooed

* * *

"Is...everyone ok?" Robin asked, slowly opening his eyes. 

"Ahhhh! Dude! I'm blind!" Beast Boy said panicking. "The wreck blinded me!"

"You're not blind." said Raven cooly. "I protected us as best I could from the crash with my powers." and with saying this, retracted the shield and restoring his sight. Starfire attempted to open her door, but quickly found it jammed shut in the crumbled steel. One swift kick later and the door came crashing open.

"Are you unharmed?" she asked Raven and Beast Boy. "Yeah Starfire...I think I'm ok, sore, but ok." the empath replied. Starfire easily ripped off Raven's door as if it were made of tin foil and helped her friend out into the cool night air, Beast Boy crawling out behind her. When all four Titans were out of the car, Robin scanned the area for any pay phones, cars or any way to communicate with Cyborg. In the rush to get out the door, none of the group had brought their communicators and since the T-Car was totaled it's homing beacon was shot.

"So..uhh...what now?" Beast Boy finally asked.

"There appears to be a dwelling one mile away." said Starfire, using a starbolt still on her hand as a flashlight to read a nearby traffic sign.

"That's our best bet then." said Robin. "Raven and Starfire will fly to town and try and call Cyborg to come get us. Beast Boy and I will stay here in case somebody attempts to drive by."

"You guys will be ok by yourselves?" Raven asked.

"Don't worry Rae!" Beast Boy offered "We can totally take care of ourselves!" causing Raven to get a slightly upset feeling in her stomach and one goodbye kiss later to each of their men, the two girls were flying quickly into nearby Harveyville to get help.


	2. When in Rome

**GOOD NEWS:** I am now the proud owner of Teen Titans: Complete 1st Season on DVD! **BAD NEWS:** The Titans game for the PS2 had been delayed till _4/4/2006_ :-( Oh well.

* * *

"Have you heard of this 'Harveyville' before?" Starfire asked while soaring next to Raven. "I do hope the people there are rather friendly."

"I'm sure they are, Starfire." Raven said reassuringly as the two Titans passed the "_NOW ENTERING HARVEYVILLE CITY LIMITS_" sign. Raven had assumed Harveyville was merely going to be a smaller, more quaint version of Jump City. She was partially right, but with heavy emphasis on "smaller" and "more quaint."

Harveyville was a throw back to simpler times, to say the least. A small town with maybe two traffic lights, decaying brick buildings and pickup trucks everywhere. "This is Harveyville?" a slightly puzzled Starfire asked. The Tammaranian had only been used to the hustle and bustle of a thriving metropolis like Jump City, so a backwoods town like Harveyville was a bit of a shock to her.

"We're either in Harveyville or Hell." Raven replied dryly, as she landed with ease on a nearby sidewalk, followed by a still confused Starfire.

"I do not see any phones of paying." Starfire noticed, observing the almost empty sidewalks. "Perhaps we have come at a bad time?"

Raven surveyed the small town only to confirm Starfire's fears, there didn't seem to be any pay phones anywhere. There was, however, a building across the street on a nearby corner. It was all brick, no more than two stories tall and had a dimly lit neon sign that read "_PA'S GENERAL STORE_", with the P flashing off and on.

"I'm willing to bet there's a phone there." she said, as they crossed the street for the general store.

"_CLOSED – WENT TO GET A DRINK – PA_" the sign hanging on the locked doors of the general store read.

"Oh this is not good..." Starfire moaned "The store of general is closed! Now we shall never find the telephone from which to call!"

As always, Raven was the voice of reason. "Starfire, calm down. The sign just says he closed early and went to the bar to get something to drink. We'll just find him and ask to use his phone, assuming of course the bar doesn't have one."

Starfire gasped as if Raven had somehow suggested some unspeakable horror of horrors. "Friend Raven, surely you jest! We are not of the legal age to venture into such an establishment!"

"We're just going in there to see if we can't use a phone, it's not like we'll be doing jello shots." Raven countered. Starfire nodded slightly, her mind puzzled at why anyone would wish to be shot with jello, but decided that Raven knew what she was doing. "Very well friend. I will follow."Starfire said simply, still unsure of the idea of venturing into the bar.

* * *

Robin sighed as he leaned up against the hulk of twisted metal that was once considered the T-Car. A quick glance of his watch showed that Starfire had Raven had been gone for about twenty minutes now, leaving him stuck on this deserted country road with Beast Boy, who was now in the form of a cow.

Indeed, Beast Boy had morphed into a cow and was in the middle of a field quietly mooing with another cow, conversing with it on whatever cows feel comfortable talking about these days. "I need a vacation..." Robin muttered quietly to himself.

* * *

It didn't take long for Raven and Starfire to find the bar, a place named '_UNCLE JED'S WATERING HOLE_'about half a block away from the general store. Even from standing outside the place, Raven could already smell thick cigarette smoke and loud country music being played live at ear shattering volumes.

Taking one last breath of clean oxygen, Raven pushed open the door to the bar and instantly felt all eyes in the place zero in on her and Starfire. The empathic girl grit her teeth as she sat down on a nearby bar stool, Starfire nervously sitting next to her.

"Well hey there pretty lady! What can I get ya?" the bartender asked. He was a rather tall man, with salt and pepper hair, a barrel chest and sported a bit of a Southern accent. This struck Raven as odd considering Jump City is on the West Coast.

"First, you can stop calling me 'pretty lady', my name is Raven. Second, I need to use your phone." she said, her voice dripping with ice. The bartender just chuckled at Raven's assertiveness, putting down the shot glass he had been toweling off. "Need to call home, eh? Don't worry your pretty lil' head over it...I'll getcha the phone." and disappeared into the back room.

"Raven...I am finding it most difficult to breathe in here and people seem to be whistling randomly in my direction." Starfire whispered. Raven clenched her fist, resisting the urge to have one of the whistling hick's beer bottles explode in his face. The urge became even more tempting when she felt a rough callused hand on her shoulder.

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."

The hand suddenly left her shoulder, whoever was behind her deciding it would be best not to push his luck. Almost immediately afterwards the bartender returned from the back empty handed, slowly shaking his head. "Sorry ladies, but our phone is busted. Only two other phones in this here town and that's over yonder at Pa's General Store and I believe Pa himself has one back at his residence..."

"You only have three phones in the entire town?" the pale girl asked incredulously. The bartender merely shrugged. "We're just simple folk here. If we want something, we just go over to their house and ask, I reckon."

"Please friend, do you know where we might be able to find the Pa?" Starfire asked, sensing Raven's irritation. "Sure do pretty lady! He's over there in the corner playing darts. He's the gentleman in the PRO-BASS hat." Starfire nodded, smiling at being called a pretty lady.

Raven slid off her bar stool and glanced around the thick haze of cigarette and cigar smoke, the noxious cloud stinging her amethyst hued eyes, as she tried to pick out and locate Pa. Most of the men in the bar had returned their focus on whatever they were doing, though a few would catch quick glimpses out of the corner of their eyes at the two girls.

Pa was in the corner of the room drunkingly tossing darts at the game board, laughing at random jokes with his drinking buddies.

"Perhaps I should talk to him." Starfire offered. "You seem to be having the bad mood."

"That obvious?" Raven replied sarcastically. Though Starfire was right, she's much better at meeting people for the first time.

"Umm..excuse me, sir. Are you perhaps the Pa?"

Pa turned around and sized up Starfire and her outfit, his eyes getting slightly larger. When he spoke, his voice was slurred with a drunken lisp.

"Sweet statutory! Who..wh-who are you?" he slurred.

"Hello friend! My name is Starfire and this is my dear acquittance Raven. We were curious if we could use the phone from your store?"

Pa merely stared back at them as he let this information soak into his brain. He had heard her words perfectly, but his Budweiser induced inebriation was causing him to process information a bit slower this particular night.

"Uhh...my phone?" he finally spit out. "Yes, sir. Your phone. We would be most grateful if we could use it." Starfire replied sweetly.

Scratching his head, Pa looked at his friends for advice who merely shrugged in their own drunken stupors, unsure of what to do. "Well...I suppose." he said finally. "Though I don't have my keys anymore..."

Raven felt like a vein was going burst in her temple. "But you locked the doors to your store. You had to have the keys on you to do that." she said.

"I did?" Pa said to himself. "Oh yeah...that's right...I did...but uhhh...my wife stopped by to take them from me. So I wouldn't be drivin' home drunk or nuthin...she left my truck here though."

Raven sighed deeply as she knew there was only course of action left to take.

"How far away do you live?" she asked

* * *

"Dude! Cows tell the greatest jokes.." Beast Boy said laughing, returning from the field. Robin didn't reply, just kept staring straight forward withhis arms crossed over his chest.

"You're not still mad at me are you?" the green changeling asked.

"No." Robin replied sternly.

"Duuudddee! I told you I'm sorry! So I read the map wrong..it's a simple mistake."

Robin was unmoved. "If you say so." he retorted, just as stern. Beast Boy's ears sagged as he sat down in the grass on the side of the road, using a stick to trace "GL + R" on the gravel in front of him. The two Titans sat like this in complete silence, till a large van pulled up next to them.

"Greetings fellow travelers!" the man in the passenger seat spoke from his rolled down window. He had brown, shoulder length, unkempt, stringy hair with a green bandanna tied around his forehead. "What brings you to our corner of the universe?"

His face still set in stone, Robin just replied "Waiting for some friends."

"Well fear not brother, for me and my colleagues here are on our way back to our place and we have a phone you can use to call for help." the stringy hair man said. At this point, Beast Boy stood up from his crouched position, making himself visible to the stringy haired man for the first time. "No, it's cool, dude. Our girlfriends are getting help in Harveyville."

The stringy haired man's jaw dropped, his eyes widened with surprise at the sight of Beast Boy.

"Uhh...dude, you ok?" Beast Boy asked nervously.

Stringy haired man didn't reply, just slowly made his way out of the van and approached the jade skinned prankster, running his fingers over his skin to make sure it really was green and not painted.

"Your skin...it's green...and your ears..." stringy haired man said in awe.

"Ok dude, you're waaaay creeping me out..."

Stringy haired man didn't reply, instead he instantly fell to his knees and with his arms outstretched begin to worship Beast Boy, causing the confused changeling to take a step back. "Uhh...Robin? A little help here?"

Robin stepped in between Beast Boy and stringy haired man, intending to get the bottom of this. "Just what exactly are you doing?" the Boy Wonder asked. Stringy haired man looked up, his eyes wide with amazement.

"It's just like the prophecy foretold! The Mighty Green Emperor has come from outer space with his loyal servant, The One with No Eyes...and they have come to take us back to our home planet of Squiddly Spooch in the Nebula Prime system!"


	3. So Close, Yet So Far

Why are all my Titans action figures so messed up in the height department? BEAST BOY SHOULD NOT BE TALLER THAN CYBORG! NOR SLADE!

* * *

Beast Boy's mouth went dry at the sudden statement Stringy Haired Man had just made. Robin was just as shocked, his eyes wide with a bit of confusion. 

"Mighty...Green..._Emperor_?" was all Beast Boy could manage, his voice squeaking slightly.

"Oh yes, sir. We are merely prophets of the Mighty Green Emperor and have been faithfully awaiting his return as it was first foretold to us 10,000 years ago." Stringy Haired Man gushed, his eyes never leaving Beast Boy's.

"Uhh...I need a second to talk with my...umm...servant." and with that motioned for Robin to follow him a bit in the distance so they could converse in private.

"Duddde! They're a cult!" the panicked changeling said worried. "And they think I'm some sort of space king or something...I swear, the minute the offer me some Kool-Aid to drink, I am so kicking their butts..."

Robin seemed lost in thought and judging by his facial expression wasn't as worried as Beast Boy was. "I'm not so sure, Beast Boy. I think this may work to our advantage..."

"Advantage! Dude, are you _nuts_? They're _crazy_! They're going to cut out our kidneys and sell it on eBay or something!" he wailed, his arms waving with panic in the night air. Robin covered his hand over Beast Boy's to shush him. "Listen, I have a plan. If we play our cards right we can get these people to drive us to Harveyville, once there we can pick up Starfire and Raven and then convince these guys to take us back to the Tower." he said, as he let go of Beast Boy's mouth.

Beast Boy took a slow nod and gulped big, hoping Robin was right. The two boys made their way back to Stringy Haired Man who was now joined by his other two counterparts..a rather large individual that reminded Robin of an overstuffed pillow and a tall, lanky skinny man with a tinfoil hat.

"My loyal subjects!" Beast Boy commanded in the most authoritative voice he could muster. "I request that we embark on...uhh...A GREAT JOURNEY!" he declared loudly, his hands high in the air.

Overstuffed Pillow Man, who had this point had gone down on one knee as if he were expecting to be knighted, asked "Oh wise one, before we venture on this great journey, I have but a simple question to ask of you...what is the meaning of life?"

Beast Boy uttered a soft irritated groan to himself, desperately wanting to ditch these weirdos and get back to Raven ASAP. Finally, after a bit of brain storming, he had his answer...

"The meaning of life is...TO EAT MORE TOFU!" he proudly proclaimed. Robin just sighed and buried his head in his hands.

"Okay...so...ummm, now that we have that out of the way, let us venture into Harveyville so we may retrieve...the uhhh...royal concubines!" the changeling declared. The three members of the group filed their way into the van, sliding open the side door for Robin and Beast Boy.

"I bet Raven would be interested to know you called her your concubine..." Robin said slyly, unable to resist smirking. "Dude! No way! She'll kill me!" Beast Boy quickly replied. With the van loaded up, the three cult members along with Beast Boy and Robin drove off to Harveyville.

"Maybe the destruction of the world wasn't such a bad idea..." Raven sarcastically thought to herself as she helped a drunk Pa find his pickup truck in the parking lot of _UNCLE JED'S WATERING HOLE_.

"God bless you young ladies for helping me find...find my truck..." Pa slurred, barely able to walk.

"I always wanted my 'Help A Drunk Guy' merit badge. Now, which one of these trucks is yours?"

"Th-that'd be her right there, Ol'..Ol' Betsy. Damn near best truck you ever did see..." he slurred, his breath making Starfire queasy.

Finding it hard to keep Pa balanced, Starfire merely slug the drunken shop owner over her shoulder, hoisting him up with the greatest of ease. "Raven, I do not wish to question your judgment, but we do not have the means to start this land vehicle." she said quietly, Pa having passed out shortly after being hoisted over her shoulder.

Raven didn't respond, but hunched underneath the dashboard, she used her powers to take off a slab of plastic, exposing the wires underneath. "Just a little trick Cyborg taught me." she said as she began to fiddle around with some of the wires, till she finally managed to get two of them to spark together and Ol' Betsy's engine roared to life.

"But we do not know where the Pa lives." Starfire offered, sliding Pa's slumped over, passed out body between her and Raven. "How shall we ever find his place of living?"

"Easy. I managed to get a glimpse of his thoughts back in the bar. I had to stumble through his alcohol clouded mind, but I found the directions. Now let's go." and adjusting the seat to her liking, pulled out of _UNCLE JED's_ heading towards Pa's house and hopefully a phone to call home with.

* * *

Beast Boy felt himself starting to get excited as the van now pulled into downtown Harveyville. Granted, he'd only been separated from Raven for not even an hour, but it felt like ages to the eager young changeling. The group, whom Beast Boy had learned was called the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch, had wasted no time in driving their beloved leader and his servant to their destination. 

"Here we are fearless leader!" Tin-Foil Hat Man announced as the van pulled in. Beast Boy practically jumped out of the moving van, waiting till it had barely stopped before his feet hit the sidewalk.

"Dude, this is Harveyville? It looks like the world's largest cowboy convention..." he said, scratching his head. Robin made his way out of the van and did a quick scan of the area looking for Raven and Starfire but finding no sign of them. "They have to be here somewhere..." Robin said to himself.

"What is thy bidding, my master?" Tin-Foil Hat Man asked anxiously. Beast Boy merely groaned out of annoyance. "Uhh...you guys just stay here, ok? DON'T GO ANYWHERE! Just stay there!"

"As you say, all knowing one."

Eager to get away from them, Robin and Beast Boy quickly turned the street corner, thankful to be away from the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch.

"Beast Boy, see if you can find Raven and Starfire" Robin suggested. Beast Boy nodded and cupping his hands over his mouth, he began to shout "**STARRRRFIIREEE! RAAVVVEENNN! WHERE ARRREEEE YOOUUUU**?" at the top of his lungs.

Robin sighed in defeat.

"No, Beast Boy, I meant why don't you track their scent?" he managed to spit through grit teeth.

"Oh yeah...I knew that." the changeling said and promptly morphed into a bloodhound, eagerly sniffing the ground for any trace of the two girls' scent. It didn't take long as he quickly picked up Raven's shampoo and Starfire's perfume, figuring they went across the street in the direction of the general store.

"ARF!" he barked, letting Robin know he had found something.

"You find them Beast Boy?"

"ARF!"

"Follow their scent!" the Titans leader commanded, following the green bloodhound. Beast Boy took them to the general store, sniffing a bit before following the scent right in front of _UNCLE JED'S_ and suddenly stopping in his tracks. He sniffed a bit more around the front door before morphing back to his human form.

"Beast Boy, what's wrong?"

"Dude, it's weird..." Beast Boy said scratching his head. "Their scents go right into this place, but it doesn't come out."

Robin's eyes narrowed at this, his stomach feeling like it was full of arctic ice water it was so cold. "Their scent stops?"

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah...but dude, all scents to this place stop. All that I can smell that comes out is beer and cigarettes. So they could still be in there..."

"Only one way to find out!" the Boy Wonder said authoritatively, and pushed the door open walking right into UNCLE JED'S, Beast Boy right behind him in tow...

* * *

"Here we are..." Raven announced quietly as she pulled the pickup truck into Pa's place. It was just as the Azarathian had expected it to be..a large, sprawling farm house with a wooden porch, a huge barn and acres and acres of farm land. 

"Shall I wake the Pa up?"

"Please do." said Raven.

Starfire gave a tiny nod before gently shaking Pa. "Pa...we are at your place of residence. Please be of the waking up now..."

Pa didn't respond.

"Pa..." she said, shaking him slightly more firmly.

Pa still didn't respond, just mumbled something about 'butter' in his sleep. "Star, you're going to need to try a bit harder." Raven offered. Again, Starfire nodded, trusting in the wisdom of her friend. The crimson haired beauty took in a deep breath and...

"**PA!**" she yelled at the top of her lungs, shaking him violently. Raven was surprised the glass in the windshield didn't crack.

"Guh? Huhggha...ungfh...truck...butter.." Pa sputtered, before passing out again. Raven massaged her temples, her ears still ringing from Starfire's wake up call.

"It's pointless, Star. Just carry him to the front door and let's make the phone call and get back to the boys." Raven said. Starfire obligingly grabbed the unconscious Pa and resumed to sling him over her shoulder, carrying him up the long gravel drive way to make their way to the front porch.

"This night is almost over..." Raven thought to herself. In just another hour or so and one hot bath later, she'd be relaxing in her pajamas reading a good book with Beast Boy resting his head in her lap. "Just another hour..." she kept repeating to herself.

Raven took another step up the gravel driveway, when her ears suddenly thought they detected the sound of heavy breathing. She glanced over at Starfire to see if she was having any difficult carrying Pa, but the emerald eyed girl was smiling, humming a Tammaranian folk song to herself. "That's odd..." the empathic young girl thought to herself "...I wonder what is making that **AUGH**!"

Her inner thoughts were immediately cut off by a large dog which came barreling out of the inky blackness of the night and barreled straight for Raven, pinning her to the ground as she fell backwards into a mud puddle. A fountain of liquid dirt cascaded straight into the air, before soaking Raven and the mutt in it's earthy brown mixture.

"ACK!" the pale skinned beauty exclaimed loudly, before engulfing the dog in her powers sending him away from her.

"Friend Raven! Are you unharmed?" a worried Starfire asked. Raven slowly stood up, her petite body dripping with mud from the collar of her tee-shirt to the bottom of her bondage pants. The dog, not liking the concept of levitating 5 feet of the ground, began to bark and growl loudly causing the lights inside the house to switch on.

"Who in tarnation' is out there?" a thickly Southern accented female voice hollered from the front porch. "You better have a good reason or else I'll gonna fill your sorry carcass full of lead!"


	4. Down on the Farm

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE NERD BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

* * *

Starfire gasped loudly at the phrase "full of lead" having heard it before in a movie she had watched with Robin.

"She wishes to cause us injury with the gun!" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"This day just keeps getting better and better..." Raven uttered with irritation.

"Friend! We mean you no harm! We just wish to return the Pa to you and the usage of the telephone!" the Tammaranian Princess offered peacefully. The woman who had threatened them was now close enough for the two Titans to see her in the moonlight. She was a woman of about her mid-40's, if Raven had to guess. Her hair was in curlers as she wore a full body night gown that read 'MAMA BEAR' on it, at the same time brandishing an antique looking double barrel shotgun, all the while a dimly lit cigarette hung in her mouth.

"What in blue hell are you girls doing out here on my property?" she accused, alternating the shotgun from pointing at Starfire to Raven. "Please friend, we only wish to return the Pa to you." Starfire replied sweetly.

The lady merely sized up the two girls before noticing Pa was slumped over Star's shoulder. "Why is my husband over yer dang shoulder?" she demand, the shotgun now pointing right between Starfire's eyes. Starfire let out a little "EEK!" of fear and stumbled to find words to diffuse the situation.

"Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!"asthe shotgun became enclosed in black energy, the rifle being pulled out of Nightgown Lady's hands and drifting to Raven's. Raven merely inspected the shotgun before resting it on the ground in front of her, out of the reach of Nightgown Lady.

For her part, Nightgown Lady's jaw dropped, causing the cigarette to fall out of her mouth. "H-How did you do that?" she stammered. Raven didn't feel like explaining much to the lady, the Azarathian's patience weaning thinner and thinner by the minute. "Magic." she said quickly, yet emotionlessly. This seemed to satisfy Nightgown Lady who merely nodded as if that made perfect sense to her.

"So did y'all bring my worthless carcass of a husband back from Jed's?" she said, lighting up another cigarette.

"That and we need to use your phone." Raven replied. Nightgown Lady threw away her match on the ground, squishing the fire out with her fluffy pink sandal. "Well I reckon I owe it to you two fer bringing my man back home..." and waved her hand for the Titans to follow her inside.

* * *

Robin blinked slightly as the over whelming noxious cloud of cigarette smoke stung his eyes through his mask. He coughed slightly to clear out his lungs and sat down on an empty bar stool, Beast Boy taking up residence next to him.

The bartender, now toweling off a pint glass, noticed the two boys sitting at his bar and made his way over to them. "Costume party in town?" he asked. Robin forced a smile on his face, the thick nicotine fumes not helping with his concentration.

"I'm looking for two girls. I have reason to believe they were here." said the young detective. The bartender never looked up from his pint glass, which he was still toweling. "Lots of gals come through these parts..."

"Two specific girls." Robin added. "One of them is rather tall with red hair and green eyes, the other is shorter with violet hair and eyes."

"Oh those two? Yeah, they were here...said something about needing to use the phone to call home."

Robin nodded, happy to finally get some information. "Are they still here?"

The bartender just shook his head slowly and put the now dry pint glass back in with the rest of the dishes. "Nope. They left here shortly with Pa, said they were gonna go home with him."

Both Robin and Beast Boy felt their tongues go numb with shock. "Went...home...with him?" Beast Boy slowly croaked. "Like...really went home with him?"

The waiter chuckled to himself at the boys' sense of worriment. "No, no...not like that. The only other phone in town is at Pa's and he had a bit too much to drink tonight, so the girls helped him get home so they could use his phone. That's all."

Beast Boy breathed a sigh of relief at this, letting his fears melt away. Robin was next to speak as he asked "So where is this Pa?"

* * *

Nightgown Lady, whom the girls learned was named Sandy, flipped on a light switch, basking the living room in the harsh glow of the many lamps that decorated the room. Starfire gently laid the still sleeping Pa down on the couch, politely taking his shoes off and scowling at the resulting aroma.

It was then that Sandy noticed Raven was completely caked in dried, hardened mud and it was also then she decided to do something about it. "Hun, what in blue blazes happened to you?" she inquired of the empath. Raven's reply was devoid of any tone except for a slight trickle of irritation. "Your dog is what happened." she said coldy.

Sandy just shook her head.

"Crazy ass mutt. C'mon darlin' lets get you cleaned up and some new clothes."

Raven didn't even have enough time to utter "I'm fine, no thanks." before Sandy gripped a surprisingly strong hand on Raven's slender wrist and practically drug her to the bathroom to draw her a bath.

* * *

"I don't know if I like the idea of Raven and Starfire alone with some drunk man named Pa." Robin said tensely, as he and Beast Boy slowly walked their way down a dark road to get to Pa's place. True, there was still the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch but both of the Titans would rather not go that route just yet.

"Dude, you need to relax. It's not like they're gonna cheat on us." Beast Boy offered "Besides, they can take care of themselves. Remember the time Cyborg challenged Star to an arm wrestling match? She ripped his arm clean off! He spent all day trying to fix it. You're too angsty sometimes, dude."

"I am not angsty!" Robin argued.

"Dude, you are WAY angsty! I dunno if it's 'cause you hang out with Batman or what, but you are majorly angsty."

Robin just growled something incoherently before muttering behind clenched teeth. "I. Am. Not. ANGSTY."

"You are the angsty angster since angst came to angst town." said Beast Boy, pushing his luck as always. In response, Robin just hissed in anger, picking up his speed a bit to distance himself from Beast Boy, in fear of lashing out at the green changeling. All the Boy Wonder knew was the fact that he wanted Starfire back and he didn't like the idea that she was with some random drunk guy, even if it was just to get a hold of a phone.

* * *

"Here ya go, hun...one hot bath for ya." Sandy offered. Raven slowly set foot into the white tiled bathroom. Sitting in the middle of the room was an old fashioned bathtub, the kind that actually sat on the floor with brass legs instead of merely being built into the house.

It's swooping, gently curved figure was full of hot water and right now, a hot bath was the most temping thing in the entire world for the Azarathian. She grudgingly accepted Sandy's hospitality and closed the door behind her.

She took a deep sigh and sat down on the toilet, and began to unlace her boots. As she unzipped her bondage pants, she slowly slid them off her marble hued legs and tossed the pants in a corner of the room. This was followed by her shirt, socks and underwear, all of which was now casually resting in a small heap in the corner of the bathroom.

The tile felt cold against her bare feet, so she wasted no time in easing her delicate figure into the hot water, gasping at first at how warm it really was. But as her body grew used to the temperate she slowly slid herself in, inch by inch till the water began to pool around her neck.

"_Maybe this day might have a happy ending_..." she thought.

* * *

Starfire sat quietly in the living room, her legs together and hands neatly folded as they rested comfortably on her lap. Laying next to her and taking up most of the room on the couch was Pa, muttering in his sleep.

"Hasf..raf...snarf...butter..." he mumbled in his drunken slumber. Starfire just sighed to herself. "I wish Robin were here..." she thought.

"You ok, sweetie?" Sandy said, having returned from drawing Raven's bath.

"I am well." Starfire said half-heartedly. "I just wish for the accompaniment of my knarfg..." she said quietly.

"A..ka..nar...wha?"

Starfire blushed out of embarrassment. "I am sorry, friend. In your language, a knarfg would translate as 'boyfriend'"

"Translate? You ain't from 'round these parts are ya?" Sandy asked.

"No ma'am." Starfire replied. "I am from a place called Tammaran."

"_She must be European_..." Sandy thought to herself. "You eaten yet, hun?"

Starfire shook her head.

"No, we were on our way to eat with our friends when our car hit the telephone pole. We have been trying to find the phone to call for help."

"Well no wonder yer so dang skinny, hun! You barely got any meat on them there bones. Tell ya what..I'm gonna go find some clothes for yer friend, while I do thatyou help yerself to some grub in the fridge and then we can come back and make yer phone call..." and with saying that headed towards the bathroom to give Raven her new outfit, leaving behind a very hungry Tammaranian girl...

The hot bath had been just what Raven needed, it allowing her to unwind and forget about the stresses the day had to offer. She slid further in the tub with her eyes gentlyclosed, her arms on the sides of the tub as she rested her head on the porcelain.

"Well ain't you as pretty as a picture!" came Sandy's voice. Raven shot up andinstantly covered her naked body with her arms and legs. "**Are you crazy**?" the empath declared as a nearby bottle of shampoo suddenly exploded.

Sandy didn't seem to notice the shampoo bottle exploding, just rolled her eyes slightly and grinned. "Now don't be all like that, hun. Ain't like I ain't never seen those parts before! I am a woman too, ya know."

Raven's just shook her head. "A little privacy would be nice!" she belted.

"Fine, fine! I don't care none. But here is yer clothes when you get done." and promptly closed the door. Raven locked the door from across the room with her powers and slid back down in the tub groaning to herself. "Some days it just doesn't pay to leave your bedroom..." she said.

Humming "Sweet Home Alabama" to herself, Sandy made her way into the kitchen to see what Starfire had prepared. Standing next to the counter stood the crimson haired beauty, with every single condiment and food stuff Sandy could imagine spread out.

"Just what in blue hell are yer making?" she asked.

Starfire turned to face the perplexed Sandy and smiled. "Greetings friend! I am making the ham, cheese, butter of peanuts, pickles, mint frosting and chips of chocolate cookies sandwich." she chirped.

"Is that all?" Sandy said sarcastically. "What's the mustard for?"

"My beverage!" Starfire said smiling.

"_Europeans done have crazy taste_..." Sandy thought.

"This is _ridiculous_." came Raven's voice from behind them. Both Starfire and Sandy turned around to see the pale empath before them, wearing the outfit that Sandy had picked out for her.

As Raven stood in the archway between the hallway and kitchen, she found herself clad in her normal black boots. But where her bondage pants were, there were now denim bib over-alls with a huge pocket in the front. Instead of her black skull and cross bones tee-shirt, she was now wearing a red and black button up flannel shirt. Clutched in her left hand was a grocery bag full of her old muddy clothes.

"I look like a country music singer threw up all over me." she said flatly.

"Aw now don't be like that hun! You look prettier than a Georgia peach!" Sandy beamed. "That used to belong to my daughter, Suzy Mae, before she went up and moved oughtta town."

"Foo ook fice..." Starfire said, her mouth full of her sandwich concoction.

Raven sighed to herself, preferring her muddy clothes over this. "Can we finally use the phone now?" the empath asked, wanting this night to be over as soon as possible.

"Sure thang." Sandy said, as she showed Raven the phone on the wall. It was one of the older ones in which you had to use rotary dial in order to get out. Spinning the last digit, Raven dialed up Titans Tower...

* * *

"Ugggh...yeahh...right there...that's spot." Jinx said as she sat on the couch as Cyborg giving her a back and neck massage. "Ohhh that feels _goooooddd_..." she cooed dreamily.

Cyborg just grinned. "I uploaded a Tai-Chi massage guide today, just for you baby."

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**

Cyborg's romantic tryst with Jinx was suddenly interrupted by the beeping of the Titans main phone line.

"Aren't you going to go get that?" Jinx asked. "Nah..." Cyborg responded "...probably just a telemarketer." and sat up to put the phone on 'SILENCE' . The metal Romeo then sat down back down to resume Jinx's massage. "Now...where were we?" he asked.


	5. No Other Option

Again, I wanna thank everyone out there for their kind words and such! Without you guys I wouldn't still be doing this!

* * *

"So this is Pa's place?" Beast Boy asked curiously as the massive farm house stood before the two boys. Robin sized the area up, his instincts telling him to check the grounds out beforehand just in case.

"Looks clear to me."

"Looks clear to you? Dude, it's a _FARM HOUSE_! What, do you think Mad Mod is gonna bust out of a cow or something?" the changeling protested. Robin just formed his face into a tense frown. "It never hurts to be careful." he said.

Beast Boy just shook his head. "If you say so, dude. Let's just go find the girls."

The boys slowly walked their way up the gravel drive way when Beast Boy tripped over something, hitting the ground with a loud "**OOMPH**!"

"Beast Boy, what's wrong?" the Boy Wonder inquired.

Beast Boy stood up, dusting the mud and dirt as best he could off his jeans, when he suddenly caught a glimpse of the object that blocked his path.

A shotgun.

"Robin! Look!" he said as he pointed out the firearm. Robin saw it all to well, that cold icy feeling creeping up in his stomach again. "I see it." he said his voice low in a Clint Eastwood like rasp.

"We need to find the girls and fast. I don't like the looks of this."

Beast Boy nodded, swallowing his spit back down into his throat. "Right. So what's the plan?"

* * *

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**

Raven let out a sound from the back of her throat that sounded like a mix between a sigh and a grunt. After almost two minutes of waiting for Cyborg, she finally threw in the towel and hung up. The Azarathian then made her way back into the living room where Starfire had gone to after finishing her sandwich. The Tammaranian girl was happily sipping down a bottle of mustard, her eyes lighting up when she saw Raven emerge into the room.

"Did you manage to contact friend Cyborg?" she asked. Raven merely shook her head. "No, he's not answering."

Starfire frowned at this unfortunate news. "I hope he is not hurt."

Raven's frown turned into a scowl. If her suspicions were right, he was far from hurt..."Let's not jump to conclusions just yet, Star. I'm sure he just fell asleep or something."she said, not believing her own excuse.

Starfire nodded softly, hoping Raven was right at that Cyborg really was ok.

**BAM!**

It happened so fast that neither Starfire nor Raven or even Sandy had any proper time to react. Within the blink of an eye Sandy's door was kicked down with a thunderous "**HII-YAHHH**!" coming from what sounded like Robin. Indeed, it was Robin as the Boy Wonder, complete with green polo shirt and khakis, somersaulted his way into the living room taking up a defensive martial arts position upon his landing.

Followed closely behind him was Beast Boy in the form of a tiger, snarling and growling at who-ever had dared to threaten his girlfriend with a shotgun.

Robin scanned the room with his expert accuracy searching for the culprit behind this case...was it Slade? Mad Mod? The Brain? Control Freak? ...Dr. Light?

_Anybody?_

Instead of being greeted with another threat of super villainy, he instead found himself face to face with a wide eyed Starfire, a completely shocked women in a nightgown and Raven who had buried her head in her hands, sighing deeply to herself. Robin slowly backed down from his stance at the sudden realization of a lack of a serious threat.

On the other hand, Beast Boy still remained in tiger form, growling fiercely at Sandy, sending shivers of fright down the poor lady's back.

Pa was still asleep.

"GARFIELD LOGAN!" Raven hollered "Snap out of it!" and with that the green changeling quickly morphed back to himself, his head hanging a bit low. "Umm...sorry?"

Raven sighed before attempting to help calm down Sandy who was near hysterics. "It's ok..." the empath said trying to make her voice sound as soothing as possible "They're our friends, they just got a little excited."

"We..we saw the shotgun on the ground and thought..thought maybe you were in trouble..." Robin said, his voice trailing off.

Raven was not amused. "And so you thought the most logical thing to do was to simply kick the door down and rush in here?"

"Yeah...basically..."

"Men." Raven said defeatedly.

"Wha...how...he...he changed into a dang gone tiger? How in tarnation..."

"It's magic." the empath offered. Sandy nodded her head softly still a bit shaken. "And of course," Raven added "Robin is going to pay for her door to be fixed...right _Robin_?" The way she said Robin's name made the Boy Wonder swallow his courage, not wanting to cross paths with the irritated sorceresses. "Of...course I will!" he said, forcing a nervous smile.

It was then that Beast Boy finally lifted his head up to make eye contact with his beloved Azarathian goddess when he noticed her change of wardrobe...

At first it started out as a soft giggle, then the giggle began to pick up volume and become a chuckle. It was during the chuckling that Raven noticed what he was doing and instantly knew why. By this point Beast Boy's chuckle had broken loose into flat out hysterical laughter, with the changeling hunched over clutching his side as he laughed so hard he thought one of his lungs were going to explode.

"Q-Quoth the Raven 'YEEEEEE HAWWW!'" he managed to spit out, before laughing even harder as his eyes began to fill up with the tears of laughter. Robin could see the vexation on the empath's face and tried his best to warn Beast Boy to knock it off.

"Uhh...Beast Boy? You might wanna reconsider..."

"DUDE! Look at her! She's dressed like an extra off Hee Haw!" Beast Boy burst out, laughing harder to the point where he was coughing. "I wonder if they have rodeos in Azarath?"

Raven grit her teeth to the point where she felt like they were going to crack and behind her clenched set uttered "Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!" the sound of which caused Beast Boy to sober up real quick.

"Uh-oh..."

Confused and startled, Beast Boy took a slow step backwards...right into the awaiting clutches of a talon claw composed entirely of Raven's own dark energy. The talon lunged for the jade skinned prankster and grabbing the elastic waist band of his He-Man boxer shorts, gave a mighty yank towards the heavens.

Beast Boy had just received a wedgie.

Robin winced as he thought he heard the very fabric of the boxers tear.

"Uffggghhfffffkkkkk..." was all that escaped from Beast Boy's lips, his eyes rolling slightly back into his head. With one final tug, the claw disappeared back into the ground as Beast Boy fell to the floor in a heap.

"Have anything else to say about my wardrobe?" Raven asked, a devilish smirk on her marble hued face.

"...n-n-no ma'am..." he croaked, his voice not even a whisper.

"So...did you girls manage to call Cyborg?" Robin asked quickly, eager to change the subject.

Starfire shook her head. "I am afraid not. Raven has attempted the calling of friend Cyborg, yet he fails to answer."

"Cy's not picking up...that's weird." Beast Boy thought out loud, as he slowly made his way to his feet, attempting to remove the cotton that had now wedged itself firmly into his backside. "I hope the dude is ok..."

"I'm sure he's more than ok." Raven said, her eyes narrowing. "Didn't he seem just a bit too impatient for us to leave the Tower?"

"He did seem eager for us to depart." Starfire mused, curious where Raven was going with all of this.

"Exactly. And he hasn't seen Sarah in a couple of weeks now." the empath added.

"Dude, you don't suppose he's...?" Beast Boy didn't finish his thought, too embarrassed to go on with the sentence.

"But if he is not answering the phone, how shall we retrieve the ride back to the Tower?" the crimson haired princess wondered. Both Beast Boy and Robin took a deep sigh as they both uttered at the same time the only answer they knew...

"_Squiddly Spooch_"


	6. Squiddly Spooch STRIKES BACK

Wow, this story took off a lot faster than I ever thought it would! And to think I almost thought about giving it up! Silly me! O:-) So this will be the last chapter. I'm really excited about my next work, which will be called 'Vampire Heart' and will be have a darker, much different tone and style than this. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

* * *

"Squiddly...Spooch?" Starfire asked slowly. Robin nodded, his facial expression resembling that of a man who had just taken a swig of sour milk.

"Squiddly Spooch." he confirmed.

"What in the name of Dale Earnhardt is a squiggly spoof?" Sandy demanded to know.

"Uh...well, they're like this cult, right?" Beast Boy replied. Raven cocked a curious eyebrow at this. "A cult?" she asked. "What kind of cult exactly?" Beast Boy just shrugged his shoulders, still finding the whole ordeal confusing. "They're these weird dudes who drive around in a van and they think I'm sort of alien space king warlord who's going to take them to the moon so they can live happily ever after or something."

Raven's cocked eyebrow arched slightly higher. "A cult? That's not a cult. A cult is Brother Blood and H.I.V.E., a cult is the Followers of Scath. These sound like a bunch of nerds with too much time on their hands." the wise empath scoffed.

"That maybe so, but they are our only choice, whether we like it or not.." Robin said, his voice lowering an octave "...and I really don't like it."

"Perhaps you are being too hard on the Squiddly Spoochers?" the ever cheerful Starfire offered. "I am sure they are most pleasant once you get to know them." Robin just shook his head softly "Star, I think even you would find these people annoying."

The now united Titans wished Sandy a good bye, Raven politely thanking her for the clothes, even though the empath knew as soon as the clothes left her body they were going straight into a bag and from there straight to Salvation Army. Robin gave Sandy his phone number to contact him with an estimate on the final cost of fixing the door. The Boy Wonder apologized profusely for his rash actions, Sandy saying she understood. "I know what it's like to be a yungin' and in love. Makes you do all sorts of crazy thangs."

As the young super heroes made their way down the drive way out of Sandy's line of vision, Pa finally woke up.

"Guhh...hnnfgggh...mah head...I had the weirdest dream, hun..."

Sandy just smiled as she kissed her husband on the forehead. "I'm sure I wanna hear all about it."

* * *

"There they are." Robin said for a distance, pointing at the Squiggly Spooch van.

"You have to be kidding me." Raven said, her eyes rolling back. "This is our ride back to the Tower?"

Beast Boy, who had been holding Raven's hand on the walk back, let go and ran ahead of the group to introduce themselves to Stringy Haired Man and his companions.

"Dudes, I mean...my loyal subjects. May I present to you my friend Starfire and my beautiful girlfriend, Raven."

"You are such a suck up." Raven said quietly to Beast Boy, her face a half smirk. Beast Boy just grinned back at her "Hey, I tell it like it is." he said smiling.

Without warning, Tin-Foil Hat Man grabbed Beast Boy by the wrist and led him behind the van, his face a pale sheet of white. "I need to speak with you, Master..." he said, his voice wavering slightly. Beast Boy was irritated, not only because of the sudden pulling to behind the van and not only because he was pulled away from Raven, but because this whole night had been one big disaster and the sooner they can get back the Tower, the better and this was not helping.

"Duddde, what is your deal?" the steamed changeling demanded. Tin-Foil Hat Man gulped down his saliva, his pasty white skin having broken down into a cold sweat. "Master...you...I mean, we have a problem."

Beast Boy took a deep sigh. "And what's that?"

"You...you brought...girls." Tin-Foil Man croaked, his voice tainted with slight disgust at the utterance of 'girls'. "You didn't say anything about bringing girls for the Great Journey..."

"Dude...they're girls. It's not like they're gonna bite you or something."

"But...but Master..."

"No buts dude! If you wanna go on the Great Journey with me, then the girls come along. Got it?"

Tin-Foil Hat man frowned in a defeated manner, like a young boy who was told by Mommy he had to kiss creepy Aunt Gertrude. Grudgingly, he made his way back to the group of the others, the remaining two members of Squiddly Spooch keeping their distance from Raven and Starfire as if they had the plague.

"Ok, now can we PLEASE go back to the Tower, I mean, the Royal Palace?" Beast Boy asked, his own patience fraying like the ends of an old rope. "As you command, master." Overstuffed Pillow Man said, shying away from his arm even brushing against Starfire. Starfire raised a curious eyebrow before leaning over to whisper to Raven.

"Friend, please explain why the Squiddly Spooch people do not wish to make contact with us."

"Because we're girls." the empath said with a flat matter-of-fact tone. This only served to confuse Starfire more. "But what does our gender have to do with them approving of us as friends?" she wondered.

"They're nerds, Starfire. Nerds are scared of girls." the empath replied.

"But in the past, have you not stated friend Beast Boy is a nerd?"

"That's different."

"But how so?"

"It's...a long story." Raven finally said, not wishing to take the time to explain everything to Starfire. The crimson haired beauty just nodded softly, still confused, but not wishing to probe further.

Overstuffed Pillow Man slid open the side door of the van, revealing two worn out, long leather seats which were surrounded by a sea of empty soda cans, moldy bags of Cheesy Poofs and rancid pizza boxes.

"I think I'm going to need a rabies shot after this ride." Raven groaned. Beast Boy gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's cool, babe. We'll be home in no time." Raven smiled gently back at him. "I'm sure we will...and don't call me babe." Beast Boy just chuckled to himself, knowing full well Raven detested pet nicknames.

The four Titans filed into the Squiddly Spooch van, with Tin-Foil Hat man driving, Stringy Haired Man in the passenger seat and Overstuffed Pillow Man in the first seat in the back. Sitting next to Overstuffed Pillow Man was Robin and Starfire, though with Starfire wishing to respect the wishes of Overstuffed Pillow Man, the Tammaranian had decided to take refuge by sitting in Robin's lap.

The Boy Wonder was definitely not going to argue.

In the furthest rear seat sat Beast Boy and Raven. Raven was still dressed in Sandy's farm girl outfit, her head resting on Beast Boy's shoulders. Sitting next to her was her bag of muddy clothes, with the changeling's arm wrapped around her.

"Gar..."

"Yeah Rae?"

"If we ever do this again, from now on, let's just order pizza."

Beast Boy smirked to himself, giving Raven soft a kiss in her lavender hair.

The van ride back to the Tower was painfully silent. None of the members of Squiddly Spooch said a word to any of the Titans, not even Beast Boy. Starfire had long since fallen asleep in Robin's arms, the Boy Wonder softly stroking her ruby hair in the moonlight. Raven was still awake, though her eyes were closed, attempting for some impromptu mediating that she hoped would make time go by faster.

It seemed to work, as she felt she had barely closed her violet orbs when the unsteady voice of Tin-Foil Hat Man croaked "We have arrived at the Royal Palace, your majesty..."

Raven opened her eyes and breathed of sigh of relief seeing the monolithic Titans Tower standing firm and tall in the night air. "Home, sweet home..." she thought. Robin gently shook Starfire to wake the sleeping Princess up. Stirring from her slumber, Starfire wiped the sleep from her emerald eyes and smiled big when upon glancing at the Tower.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to be back home..." Robin said as the Titans made their way out of the Squiddly Spooch van. "Indeed, it most glorious to have returned to our dwelling." Starfire added.

Raven made her way out of the van and yawned slightly, her bed beckoning her for a restful nights worth of sleep. She made her way to the front door and turned to take Beast Boy by the hand, but noticed her jade skinned beau was busy talking to Overstuffed Pillow Man.

"Make it quick, dude..I'm way tired."

Overstuffed Pillow Man frowned, his sad face that of a little boy who's puppy had run away. "Oh Mighty One, we have done your bidding...we have ventured into the Forbidden City of the Unclean...we have returned you to your Royal Palace...and yet...yet we feel unfulfilled. As if what we were doing was meaningless somehow..."

Beast Boy sighed deeply at the mis-guided nerd.

"Dude...life is full of stuff, ya know? But that stuff shouldn't be chasing after little green men and such. Get a life, dude. There's more to it then aliens."

Overstuffed Pillow Man swallowed his spit hard. "Mo-more to life than Squiddly Spooch? I'm...I'm not sure about that, Master..."

"Call me Beast Boy."

"Yes Beast Boy." the words rolling off Overstuffed Pillow Man's tongue like he was learning a new language for the first time. "Is it worth it though to try these things you speak of?"

Beast Boy glanced over at Raven who tapped the invisible watch on her wrist, but the sly grin on the corner of her mouth let him she wasn't upset.

"Dude, trust me...it's totally worth it."

Beast Boy said goodbye to Squiddly Spooch and gave them his permission to use him as a job reference for when they swore they'd apply for a job at Bloaty's Pizza Barn.

The tired and worn out Titans made their way to the hallway right outside of OPs, the two couples exchanging pleasantries before retiring for the night. Robin noticing his bedroom door was open slightly.

Raven had just punched in the key code for her bedroom door to open, a blissfully weary Beast Boy behind her, when they both heard the sound of a girl giggling from Ops. Raven cocked an all too familiar eyebrow as she glanced at Beast Boy.

"That doesn't sound like Sarah..." she said.

Curious too, Beast Boy morphed into a housefly and buzzed his way into the Ops room and flew around attempting to locate the source of giggle. What he found he was not prepared for...

"Rae, you have to come check this..." he thought, his girlfriend picking up the telepathic signal and making her way to Ops. As soon as the door to Ops slid open, the empathic girl froze in her tracks in shock.

Cyborg had apparently acquired a Batman cowl and cape from a local costume shop and was chasing Jinx around, who had exchanged her outfit for Robin's uniform, complete with mask.

"Get back here!" Cyborg ordered playfully. "Get back here and get yourself some of my Bat luvin'!"

"Holy seductive super heroes, Batman!" Jinx giggled, staying just out of Cyborg's reach to tease him. The two made their way around the couch and past the kitchen area right in front of a confused Raven, her look of bewilderment painted on her face. Cyborg and Jinx both stopped dead right in front of the pale sorceresses, both of their eyes wide as saucers.

"Oh...hi there." Cyborg said quietly. "Home from dinner already?" Raven didn't reply, just stared back with her eyebrow cocked at a sharp angle. Next to her, Beast Boy morphed back into his human form, laughing hysterically at his friend's choice of attire.

"Duuudddeee! This is classic."

Jinx blushed a deep shade of red, glancing at the floor as she was unable to make eye contact with Raven.

"My Sarah, you've changed." Raven said flatly to Jinx, her icy stare making Cyborg's stomach turn in knots.

"Sarah?" the reformed honorary Titan said accusingly. She wheeled around to confront Bat-Cyborg, pointing a damning finger at the cybernetic Romeo. "You told me Sarah and you broke up!"

Cyborg began to sweat profusely. "Hehehe,...umm...oops?" he offered, shrugging his shoulders. With no warning, Jinx raised her hands and sent a mighty blast of her own energy towards the metal Titan, with him just dodging in time for his right hand to come in contact with the blast, exploding upon impact.

"Awww man! That's gonna take me all day to repair!"

"Serves you right, you jerk!" she fumed and stormed her way out of the tower, clutching her black outfit in hand, right through the Ops room door and past a confused Robin.

"Did...I just see Jinx in one of my uniforms?" he asked while scratching his head. "And what happened to Cyborg's hand?"

Raven just sighed, massaging her temples. "Ask Cyborg. He'll be happy to tell you." and with saying this, grabbed Beast Boy's wrist as they made their way to bed.

**THE END**


End file.
